One at a time

It’s weird being back home. It’s super weird being back home.

Taiwan is not very far away in terms of physical distance. But my life in Taiwan and my life in Malaysia is so vastly different that there is no point for me to draw lines or make connections. I can’t even say that I’m the connection even when we’re talking about my life right now, because I’m not the same here as I am there. At least, on the surface.

I hate Taiwan.
I hate the food there, that oily unhealthy food. I hate the weather, that wet cold and foggy weather. I hate the differences, I hate the nights, I hate the days, I hate the void that opens once in awhile, I hate the gripping fear, I hate that super massive black hole that resembles my bottomless-pit-like stomach. I hate that I don’t have Kenn to bitch to, or Mel to talk to, or Jo to hug. Or my mum to cry to or my family to make everything okay.

I love Taiwan.
I love the whatever remains of culture they have left after a rather unfortunate political change, I love my dedicated teachers, I love my social life, I love my excellent (from my point of view and my standards) academic achievements, I love that I am changing, adapting, learning, growing up every single minute of every single day just because I am there.

And you see when I talk about Taiwan I talk it as a comparison to Malaysia. But I talked about Taiwan, not Malaysia. Because really, it has been a long time since anything here was about me.