I can do it and I do it now

Go, listen to The Plastiscines – Bitch, it’s such a rock song for dollies.

 

As much as I hate to admit, I’m your model example when it comes to overprotected and spoilt teens of the new generation. Directly translated from the Chinese Proverb, I am so called ‘the delicate flower grown in the greenhouse’ which in other words mean, a weakling. A good to look at but good for nothing piece of work that’ll probably die in the sun.

Compared to my mother and elder sisters when they were my age, I lack of discipline and perseverance, I am incapable and inefficient and a lot more dependant. I am used to things getting done for me and I am used to taking them for granted. I am use to being spoon-fed. I am feeble and weak. If things were measured by physical body, the elders would be muscles packed in a skin suit and I’ll be a bag of flab.

I give up easily, I avoid the problem instead of solving them, I talk better than I work, I like things to be grand instead of practical, I have big dreams but small capabilities. I am also ignorant and arrogant. I don’t like to listen to advice, I don’t like to be told that I am wrong. I think I am right most of the time. I fail to listen, I fail to be patient, I fail to wait and work hard. I’m also a procrastinator, I do things last minute and I fail to plan or prepare for the future.

Seriously, I have no idea why Sue Ann calls me an achiever who crosses all things on her to-do-list. But never mind that, because I’m going to change now. I’m acknowledging all the above, admitting it all. Everyone knows the first step to change is knowing who you are and where you stand. So that’s what I’m doing, telling you shamefully, yes, that’s me. I don’t think I failed just because I am what I am, because I am not a failure, these are just temporary setbacks.

There’s a moment where you stand up, walk to the mirror, look at yourself, cross your hands and say ‘I’ve had enough of you’. There's a moment where you just can’t stand or accept yourself, because you know deep in your heart that your abilities are way beyond your mediocre performances at the moment. But very often, I pushed this moment away, burying it deep behind my head with tons of excuses because it’s hard work to change, it’s hard work to leave my comfort zone, it’s much more easier and convenient to stick to the present routine!

But like Jack Canfield says, if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. And heck, that’s a real bummer. I’m the only person who can use my strengths and abilities. I was telling Joanna, that Briana means ‘strong one’, I’m nothing like that, but I can always work towards that from this moment onwards. I keep reminding myself of the willpower God has given me, the one that can work miracles if I only held on a little tighter and a little longer.

I’ve tried doing things that has been on my to-do-list for weeks, and trust me, the satisfaction of ticking them off my list is humungous. I am a Queen, because I rule myself.

I can do it and I do it now. Now, give me a clap for the courage in picking up my life again, fuuuh! (: