Survived a severe head

Go, listen to Phantom Planet – Do The Panic.

Hello friends, I’ve been off crutches for a week.
I didn’t mention earlier because I’m not sure it’s permanent. 

Then, Miss Thanh told me I will be on my own two feet for as long as I don’t trigger the swelling.
I didn’t mention earlier because I’m not sure it’s permanent.

The truth is, the joint problem has a 45% rate of recurrence, if a ‘I won’t be using crutches or have knee problems for the rest of my life’ post is what I’m waiting for, it’d be never. So I gave up waiting for that and therefore gave up not mentioning it here. I might as well announce as much good news as I receive.

I try not to mention these things here, because I realise how people think I’m miserable. It’s either the way I write or the way people perceive others with illness. I don’t need anyone’s pity or help or so called wise words. I’m not saying all this just to have you spot me as a weakling, I just want to share. And if you can’t read it without putting yourself one notch above me, you might as well not read.

Anyway, the first day without crutches was weird.
I felt like I was 1, and taking flight with baby steps. Lifting my leg up, putting it down, feeling the solid ground with my feet from back to front. I know Lulu is bearing 10 pounds heavier without the crutches’ aid, but contradiction to the gravity, I felt 10 pounds lighter, off my feet and off my chest. The day was consumed with more smiles and giggles than I ever remembered.

Then, I prepared my own meal after 3 months kitchen break.
Which was awesome, because I love making my own meals, no one knows my tongue and stomach like I do. At one point, I stopped eating, stood up, walked to the kitchen to get some serviette. I laughed and told my mum ‘good gracious, I forgot how convenient it is to walk!’ HAHA

Some days ago, I came out from a shower and was dressing myself. Out of a sudden, I became conscious of my actions, my whole being, I quickly took a minute to praise God. Because at that moment, I felt the blessings of walking, which so many of us take for granted.

That thought rippled to being grateful for having hands that can work, ears that can listen, eyes that can see and tongue that can speak. How often do you appreciate your capability of action? A friend of mine who’s brother has autism once told me ‘Talking for us is so terribly easy, so natural that whatever we’re thinking, we can just open our mouth and express it. If you only knew how hard it is for my brother. Talking requires coordination of the lips, tongue, teeth and tone, and that is something he can never manage’

If ruining a knee, and then being able to walk again makes me so grateful. I can only imagine if I was dead, how much I’d like being alive. Which leads me to giving some thought on how I’d like to live this short but precious life that I waste most of the time due to taking it for granted.

Faith told me that God has His meaning behind everything, you might not know it now, but when you look back at things later in life, you’ll thank Him for his miraculous arrangements. And I believe strongly in that. If you asked me ‘why do I deserve such a health problem’ I’d say I don’t know; if you asked me ‘what’s the point of God giving me a joint problem’ I’d say I don’t know too.

But I do know that whatever bad and unexpected situation, I have hope and trust in God. I have complete faith that God has bigger means and bigger love for me, one that I may not comprehend at the moment. And that’s okay, because if there’s a cross I need to carry, there’s always Jesus who’d carry it with me.

‘When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always get worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better’ Malcom S. Forbes.

A small interruption here, to give a huge gigantic THANK YOU to Melinda, who has been there for me through thick and thin. Even to the point that she fought with her partner & gave up good entertainment just to accompany me. Not to mention lowering herself and serving me. I LOVE YOU Mel, thankyou! :D