She is in the sea, she is gone

I vaguely remember weeks ago, Melinda and I went to Math Monkey @ Puchong to help Lynnette’s mum set up the new place.

We were instructed to inflate colorful rubber monkeys.
Excited, Melinda burst out,

“Eh Briana, my turn to teach you how to do a blow job”
Right, how adorable.

I pretty much suck at it, my monkey was weak and flabby.


But both of them did great (blow jobs) as Melinda calls it. *roll eyes*

Cool mirror, parents can see the kids, the kids can’t see the parents.
I call it invasion of privacy. Parents shouldn’t spy.


It was the night before our Mathematics paper so we did some serious practice.

*** *** ***

That was so long ago, I’m already done with SPM, prom and high school.

I’m trying to swallow the fact that I won’t be wearing my pinafore anymore. Or return to CHS 4th of January for another school year.

High school ended and so did my world (don’t take it dramatically).
You see, I lost my plain simple goal: good results.
I lost my routine: eat, sleep, school and homework!
I lost my friends, not totally but let’s be practical, it won’t be and it will never be the same anymore. In addition, I no longer have to bear the responsibilities of being a student or vice president of choir.

High school life was my life! I signed the full stop so what’s next?
I left my comfort zone and now I need to get use to a different life. I miss my teaches, my classmates, my friends and OMG, my scary odd transporter Uncle Lim who is always always dressed in white!

My juniors would probably say “ But Briana, you’re free! “. Indeed, if it wasn’t for Lulu (my injured leg), I could go out daily, movie, dinner, karaoke and party. But it is only entertaining to do so once in awhile, making it life is a bore. It should be a leisure and not a habit, it’s meaningless and no way I am wasting my youth like that.

I desperately wanted to grow up the first four years of high school, it wasn’t until Form 5 that I realize how wonderful and precious high school is. I am currently working part time. I love my job and bosses, but it’s no fun like school. Not at all.

I talked to my senior (thank god for choir seniors!).
I said I’m confused and messed up, because everyday when I wake up, I don’t know what to do or what am I suppose to do. No more worrying about results or homework or choir. What’s my aim then? what’s my goal? what’s my purpose? The world I spent 5 years building is no more. I finally fitted in, found my niche, and now I’m back to square one, starting from scratch.

I need time to accept that I’m not returning to CHS (school’s not mine anymore), develop and stick to a healthy routine (how bout bed at 12, latest). He said he spent time thinking about his purpose, aims and goals after prom and graduation. Imma do that too.

Life without purpose is floating in the sea, hoping fate and destiny’s waves will bring you a happy place. I say, how bout deciding your destination and row the boat instead.