Depressed

You come visiting my blog, I bet you are expecting something like " Wheeee, Exams are over, Holidays are here, This is going to be so great, AWESOME! " But,....NO, this is not how I feel right now. I'm just so lugubrious lately, it shucks.

I can't blame you dahrling, I too, was expecting myself to go hang out with B3 gang at Mv after school. But I just couldn't bring myself up, I'm too stressed, too tired weary. I can't seem to throw of this feeling of inertia.

I went home, soak myself in warm bubble bath, ate chocolate, watch Enchanted, cry myself out, and went to bed. It doesn't help like it used to. Even the meditation is failing me. Where the hell is god?

Am I this fake person, I can't hide a niggle of doubt. Cause it was just last week, when a friend showed me his drawing, I said it was "not that nice", even tho I seriously think it's ugly. I did not want to sound harsh. Then he drew another few, pestering me, asking for my opinion. It still looked ugly. All of 'em. But I just put up this really interested face and said "owh, this is better, but I like the heart shape in this one, Ahh, that is also nice!" Am I just superficial or what? But I know if I just point it in his face that all of them are ugly, I'll probably get more people talking bout how rude I am or how I'm being soooo not sensitive. (= What to do with life? Is this called trying to please people?

I wish I could get hold of myself, subdue all my feelings, blast the radio, move my hips, scream raucously and fall asleep under exhaustation, then maybe I won't dream of wandering in a dark place, motionless, monotonously. Looking for myself

I need something, everything, anything, just to make me lose it, forget it, even for just a while. Someone please save me. I think I need more than an umbrella this time.