Oh Cherries

A long time ago, when I still blogged, I had written how some rare times when a miracle happens to me, I want to keep it to myself, just because I am that selfish and want all that happiness for myself. Telling someone about that happy secret seems to be sharing part of that joy away.

I haven’t been writing for so long, and for many reasons. Mostly because since my injury, I’ve got myself into the habit of just being quiet about a lot of things. During that time, I couldn’t write without leaving trails of pain along the lines and pity was the last thing I needed. I tried writing about other stuff, but nothing mattered more than being able to walk. In the end, I gave up writing altogether. I took the long way in healing other hurts than Lulu, because before then, writing had always been the fastest way for me to recover or come up with a plan for battle.

When I came to Taiwan, I wanted to write like before, morning in the day about the little sight seeings that makes me twirl around and celebrate life; at night, about the swimming thoughts that keeps me awake by raping my relatively big head like a terrible storm. I wanted to write because I know how important it will be for me in the future to look back at what I write now, just in case the future Nino forgets what she was when she first came to Taiwan (yes, everyone calls me Nino here, everyone.) I know that importance because I too look back at previous blogs to search for Briana when she’s lost.

Sadly, that importance is pretty much ignored. I tried but I just couldn’t, everything I wrote seemed to be wrong or dry or just plain rubbish. I write and delete, write and delete, until there’s nothing left. So now, I will have to reminisce this year with a very undependable memory, which I guess sometimes can be a good thing, because the hurt doesn’t seem so real and the love seems to be a little more fairytale like.

I’m very long-winded. Back to that secret happiness that I don’t want to give away. Yes, some good news happened yesterday, and for the first time, I’m going to write it in my diary instead of telling you about it :P (this is sorta for Louise, cause she always always asks me what’s wrong? or in this case, what’s right?) My point is, suddenly I feel like I can write again, I had a good night’s sleep and woke up feeling happy, a special kind that I haven’t been experiencing for a long time. And suddenly I feel like writing, also something I haven’t been experiencing for a long time. Word vomit :)

So this is a good start, I might be able to keep this, I might not. But I hope I do. Wait for more? (: I hope you do too.