Mine

I have a limited life with limited time. I can’t possibly hold hands with everyone, I can’t possibly lick every tear that falls on anyone’s cheek. I can’t possibly say yes to all parties and can’t possibly make everyone feel like what’s coming out from their lips is the best shit I’ve ever heard. In fact, most of the time I feel that I have inadequate energy and scarce attention. And during these times, when I am upset and sick and need myself for myself, I really detest everyone for swaying me away. I want to ‘fuck you’ everyone because really, what’s the point? We’re not going to make it very far with all these limiting factors, even more when I don’t intend to. What’s the point of that brief encounter, that momentary starry glassy glance, or the only two seconds I remember from the entire entire days together when you said ‘I love you’. But then I saw that that’s the point you know? There might be a million people in this world where a second of me spent with them is a second of me wasted. But there are those who I pool in a lifetime of my soul just for that one breathtaking split of time, for that heart that skipped 3 full beats, because they are worth it that way. These people make me feel that it is worth it. It is a price I am willing to pay, an effort I voluntarily put in, the catfight, the hung over, the sour jealousy stirring at the bottom of my stomach, the lousy paste rubbing on my tongue when I hear the line go dead on the other side of the phone. I would come out losing, from a long endeavour, all wrecked and wasted from the battle, one that almost promises destruction in the beginning. But I would be able to recall something brief and wonderful from that terrible experience and say ‘yes, that’s what it was for’. And so maybe I really do have a limited life with limited time. But I want to be able to spoil it on the people I choose to be with, be it assholes or jerks. It might not end up good, but that’s the risk I take, that’s my own money I am betting on. And even if I lose, I get to say that it was fun while it lasted. So don’t tell me what to do. Or say that I could do better. Stop bossing my life around, let the girl do her thing, let the girl do what she has gotta do.

Leave me and my choices alone.