Set this room on fire

I woke up, cold in a sheet of sweat visible through my yellow dress. It was 5 in the morning. I climbed down the metal bars and then, tried hard to focus on the red rubber ground rather than my spinning head. They say that nightmares always occur near dawn.

I sit down and stared blankly at my own reflection, the heavy breathing, the pallid skin, the hollow eyes, the dark circles underneath ‘em. I was never beautiful as a whole, and so I wished I was beautifully broken.

The dream was a new one, though familiar. It was them, those who were once here, those who I once left. The ones who took advantage, the ones who didn’t even bother pretending, the ones I associated with because it was the only thing left to do in order to feel alive. It was me, dress in red, bling and almost nakedness. The sounds, the blasting music, the laughter, the screams. The settings, the lights, the car, the wind working its way into my pants. All that we went, ate, drank and consumed. All that in a blinding flash of light, right up till this moment.

No matter where you go, you past catches up with you. There’s no escape, there’s no relief.

I am a lucid dreamer, but there is no stopping this one tonight.