Hello Hello Baby

It is tradition for me to do a birthday post.

You know, do a little reflection on the past and a little thought on the future. I can just imagine myself old and wrinkled, reading the stupid things I wrote when I was 18.

I don’t really feel anything about turning 18 although there’s a constant reminder from others that this is suppose to be a big day, some sort of milestone. Not feeling anything isn’t necessarily good or bad, neither is it some form of jaded rebel, it’s just, indifference ya’ know?

One thing’s for sure, 18 years sure is a long way (no need me to remind you that if you’ve got 60 years to live, that’s like 1/3 of it gone). I am really proud of myself when I look back on all the things I’ve done. Good things because they were well, good. And bad things because lessons learnt are always more valuable than your grand achievements. Something that Mama said a few days ago did strike me, God speaks to you through your life experiences. & That thought alone makes me so excited about tomorrow. You know, like what’s going to happen next? *jumps around giddily*

I’ve been reading my last 2 birthday posts. At 16, all I could think of was myself. I expect everything from everyone. It seems like being angry, emotional and depressing was the only way to grab more attention from other people. At 17, my mentality was growing at the speed of 5 years in 5 months, enough to cover for all those years of being really retarded and annoying. But it was good, you know, to deal with self-esteem issues and love that new found self-respect. Because that year I realize in the end, you are responsible for your own life. I stopped depending on other people and found a way to be content because happiness is a state of mind. But duh, there was still drama here and there while I experimented with my brand new self-confidence.

As for right now, I’m still a work in progress. Still discovering in a slow and steady pace more about myself. I really want to be more conscious and look deeper within. For a change, I am really trying to work less for myself and more for others. 16, I thought the world revolved around me. 17, I was sitting side by side with my peers. and now at 18, I really want to try serving others instead. I know it might be a late for all this to strike me, but this change is for the better right? I am really motivated and hyped to do more than my expectations for other people.

That’s why I don’t really feel anything this birthday. And when I say feelings, I meant for myself. All this time I’ve been using a magnifying glass to view my own world. Exaggerating every joy and pain (especially pain). I don’t want to do that anymore. You grow up, and you learn that you are only this small in this universe, your problems only mean this much. Don’t self-indulge in your small circle, because your sight might be so narrowed you can only see this far.

So here’s a toast and a wish. To the future, to self-discovery, and to serving others with the best of my abilities.

Happy 18th birthday Briana Nino Leong ♥