First day of February, what are you thinking?
What am I thinking? I don’t know.
I’m drowning in a the deep dark sea. No, not drowning, floating is more like it.
I don’t know what I am doing anymore.
2 months ago, Lynnette told me it would be okay.
That this is just a phase after high school, because I lost my old routine.
2 months later, things are still the same.
A sane person would think some sort of new routine would have formed by now.
But no, nothing happened. If this is the already happened routine, well, this sucks.
Before this, I thought it was my immobility that caused such discomfort.
Contend each day &yet disturbed each day by the smallest things.
But I can walk now and nothing changed.
I don’t like it. An idle brain is a devil’s workshop they say, I couldn’t agree more at the moment. I know I should do something, but I just couldn’t muster the strength to do anything of particular interest.
That’s why I say I don’t know what I am doing anymore.
No purpose and no sense in whatever I am doing, if only I am even doing something. I have a lot of emotions and hormones boiling inside, but I have no where to release. I don’t even know what is the cause of it, my period is long over. Heck I miss jogging, but I’m not allowed to do so with the recovering knee. The toxins are building up inside my already beginning to be plump body, and I’m having break outs, my skin looks like it got dragged on the rough roads outside my house. My mum who most of the time give compliments tells me my skin looks terrible.
Yes, I know this is bad.
People are telling me, learn an instrument, learn a foreign language, learn computer graphics, learn culinary baking. Sorry, they do not appeal to me right now.
Everyday is just stone and eat, I’m not even shitting, I’m constipated.
Now maybe you don’t have to know that, ish.
I feel like I need to do something and yet I do not do anything. I am hating this part of Briana. Worse still, I am worried, never in life had I been like that. But then I remind myself, never since elementary school had I not attend to any form of education for such a long period of time.
Told you I don’t know what I am doing anymore.
Sorry if my blog is not entertaining you at the moment, but all these has got to come out anyhow. Feel as if I am falling into a black hole, where time and space do not exist. Because right now, I am in a living dream, just that this dream is vacant and expressionless.
Oh and meaningless, that’s the worst.
Maybe Rujun & Melinda, you feel the same way as I do?
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