Battle Cry

Everyday is different, I cannot live back the moments I’ve lost, nor can I do the things I wish I did or correct the big mistakes I made. There are too many what if’s in me. What if I hadn’t left? What if I made an effort? What if I didn’t say no? What if I said what was on my mind all along? What if what if, if all of them weren’t what ifs, I would be a hell of a different person today.

 

But whatever it is, whatever it was, there’s no going back, I was wrong, I was right, I was left, I was right. But for every right decision I made, I grew; and for every wrong choice I made, I learned.

 

It’s been so long since I felt this way, that once this feeling comes back, the rest of the world that I left behind rolls in too. And I wrote THIS the last time I lost someone, something.

 

I was so different. If you had chance to know my old self, will you please take a second to think of what I was, and learn to love me more today, because it is so hard so hard still being labelled as what I was. The only thing to ease my misery right now is that the fact that you have friends that you can count on, and I have friends that I can trust in.

 

Things like these, they just don’t go away immediately. Because when someone leaves you, a part of you that belongs to that person dies too.

 

All of the pain felt, the happiness tasted, the hope lost, the faith found, the choices made, the decisions, the actions, the words both spoken and wrote; it was me. I’m Briana Leong. If they were wrong, you’ve got to know that I felt remorse and tried to learn along the way. But I leave the marks there, to accept my faults.

 

Right this moment, I am still determined not to admit defeat, I cannot do so after what I declared to the world. You need to know I have too much too much pride, I rather stand tall, let people shoot me down, than crumbling to the floor due to my own injury. I read my old blogs, one thing didn’t change about me, I always care too god damn much.

 

Even if my world is crushed, and life is so difficult at the moment, count me in to pick my feet up, and build my new world, a newer better version of myself. Because, underneath all this,

 

I . AM . A . FIGHTER.

p/s: This photo is a lie, I look terrible right now.

p/p/s: Because I choose to remember one of the happiest day of my life.

p/p/p/s: YES, I do see that my legs are wide open in an awkward angle.

p/p/p/p/s: I hope you’re happy now that I’ve said it.