Things are so complicated now. Somehow, my life is real messed up without His presence. I read her blog, and I thought, it must be so hard for her not to have them around her, then I forgive her annoyingness this very much *points little finger* I feel that I have this sympathy for her, because I see her in me, I do.
The only good thing that is happening in my life now is youtubing great local music. Like Yuna, and Kokokaina, listening to them and their amazing voices and pretending everything is Ok.
I seriously do not want to whine for every single unfortunate event in my life, like a fight, or a rude comment, and immense myself in total emoness when somewhere else people are dying or being raped or having AIDS. Because as much as I do, say and act stupid, I still know what is right and what is wrong, and how shallow all of us can be. But each and everyone of you matters so much to me, think it this way, I could be out now having the time of my life and not care that I screwed up for you, or at least that is how you perceive it. I do not hesitate to take blame alright?
I don’t know what is wrong with me anymore. Maybe it’s this sickness that totally strip me from all the things I believed in. Maybe it’s listening to the same songs over and over again and getting loss in it. I’ve become so impatient, rude even. I like a nice me, I like people to say that Briana is nice. I highly doubt anyone would say that right now. I start to question myself what’s wrong, what’s with the sudden hole in my heart. This thing I can’t name but is bothering me so much.
And then I’m back to square one, that maybe I needed Him to be with me after all, and that no matter what I do, I can only breathe when he’s with me.
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