Finding gravity, losing sensitivity

I use to like you a lot I did, when you didn’t mean as much you meant the most. I would think and talk and move and dance, and it would be all about you, even my dreams, was filled with that very familiar voice. Dear, you meant the most then.

I wouldn’t call it a mistake for you to tell or show me what or who you truly are. I don’t think you’d survive without telling me anyway. I was really ok with it, don’t feel intimidated. But then there is one big difference I should have learned long ago, and that is, sometimes, you might see it as an apple from far away but when you actually have it in your hand and when you taste it, it could be an orange.  

I never told you this, but I like apples a lot. You are one apple that turned into an orange when I held it with shaking hands. And, I hate oranges. I would be so annoyed, and throw you aside, but only because I didn’t know what to do. And then would pick you up again, because I remember I choose you, I told you I wanted you. I didn’t want to be a bitch. But I was getting frustrated all the time, you became a burden then.

My mind was playing this same old tune on how should I tell you that I couldn’t care less.

Things fall apart, forgive me dear because I needed an answer, I do not want whispers behind my back on how I moved on before we whispered a full stop. I didn’t want to say the last word either, since I was the one who gave this story it’s first Capital letter. I apologize the fact that I made you do it because I didn’t want any of the blame.

For the past week, life went on well. I wasn’t affected, my life went on as usual, so serene, so ordinary I scare myself. As if this whole things was one dream that I forgot after waking up. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, you didn’t slip into my mind even a single time, and each morning, I wake up with a smile, a smile that has nothing whatsoever to do with you.

I was a bit afraid of seeing you know, I was worried that maybe, I might have intercepted my feelings wrongly, and that I still have feelings for you, and that seeing you would bring them, all back. I would lay on the floor paralyzed by the fact that I let you go.

But;

I did not peek at this face I use to think of, no. I did not stand beside you on purpose, just so to feel that I’m close with you, no. Your laughter didn’t give me butterflies in the stomach and your smile didn’t make my heart beat any faster than usual. Good, Briana, you were right I thought.

So here I say, to tell you if you ever ever ever read this, I’m sorry, because maybe I didn’t mean what I’ve said, that all along the truth is you didn’t matter that much & Thank you, because right from the beginning to this point where I’m writing here, there was no pain.

Alas, to end this my way, I would now call you, another lesson learned (;