Deepside

It is 1.35 in the morning, tried to sleep, couldn’t.

I keep wanting to blog about this one thing that bothers me so much. But I didn’t want to admit that something's wrong, but no, it’s too much to stay in my head.

I always thought I did ok as a friend, not perfect, not great, but still, I thought I was OK. I got tired of asking why you’re acting this way or what’s wrong with you. I am very very insecure, but I’m certain this time, it has nothing to do with it. I asked, but if you do not wish to tell me, there’s nothing I can do.

You give me shit. I ask what’s wrong.
You do not tell me. But you continue to give me shit.
Do you know it is very hard to bear with your shit when I have no reason to.

And do you know I do not need to take shit from you? But i did anyway.

It’s been two months. I know I give you shit too, but for 2 months straight and for no particular reason? No, I don’t do that.

I was going to have a big fight with you I swear, but all the while I kept thinking about how we’ve gone through so much, the times you’ve been there for me, and all the nice things you do for me, and how much I love you underneath it all.

A lot of people take you for granted, but I never did, i mean, once or twice I did, but I’d stop immediately after realizing. I don’t know, but I have a feeling that right now, YOU are taking me for granted, maybe cause I’m the one who was always somehow there, no matter what.

You really did cross the line Thursday, did you know? I was never that mad at you, never mad enough to show it through my face. I didn’t want to talk to you, didn’t want to see you.

Honesty is the best policy. I promised you before that I will never ever ditch you, but right now, you are making things so hard for me.

And I wish that, you could just let things off your chest, instead of suppressing yourself and creating shit. Because, it is really creating a lot of problems, or maybe you didn’t notice.