The world stresses me out

I wish you wouldn’t read this entry.

The world stresses me out, as much as I want to live my own way, I’m part of this big world, and I have to follow it’s rules and regulations. I’m not suppose to do things that are different. This upsets me.

The kind of feeling, that you have to choose what is acceptable over what you like. Like how you have to unreasonably pay 5 bucks for a game you don’t like, but you have to, because everyone is playing, if you just sit aside and enjoy some fresh air, people call you a spoil sport, or maybe a weirdo. So I pay a price to play a game that I hate and have no chance of winning. Sad eh?

There are people who of course, couldn’t be bothered by anything, couldn’t be bothered by what people think, or how people looked at him. I feel so sad, unfortunately, ignorance is something I couldn’t afford. I tend to care too much, it matters to me what I say, how I look. If I cried, I needed to make sure my tears fall the right way, if I laughed, I needed to make sure the angle of my smile is perfect. But I’m not perfect, and because I care so much too much, my imperfectness hurts.

All this makes my stomach upset, it makes me frown and turns my smile upside down. I wish I wasn’t aware of all my thoughts and feelings and emotions.

I started a diary, my first diary, a proper one. After writing in it for a week. I reread all my previous entries.  I scare myself sometimes, that was my first thought. Ironic, I give great advice, but for myownself i have no solutions, nada. I wish I could tell someone, instead of writing it here, and let any random people read me.