Tell me something I don’t know

Do you know me? Do you know who Briana Leong is?

Are you my friend? How do you define friend? If I’m your friend, how much do you really know about me?

If you say as my friend, all you have to do is care, and not to know, then, let me ask you, how can you care without knowing? Is that care? or curiosity?

And even if you do know and do care, what are you suppose to do from this point onwards? Can you really help?

Do you know that I’m emotional? Do you know that I’m sensitive? Do you know my secrets? Or maybe my past? Can you feel my pains, or maybe read my future?

I used to have no self. I belonged to the world. I would call up my friends one by one and shred away all the burden speck by speck, lift off the weight bit by bit.

But we all grow up, we keep more and more to ourselves. Everyone has their own stories, own secrets. I wish I could tell the whole world this one part, and drop it off my heart. Because right now, it’s burning a hole and it hurts.

And no matter how I put it aside, it’s still there. I couldn’t run away from it, I couldn’t run away from myself. It’s so depressing.

I feel that I’m hormonal. My mood swings are taking on a higher range. Because I couldn’t be happy long enough before it rings an alarm inside my head while I sink deeper into the consequences I’m still facing.

I use to cling to it, afraid of letting go, I was obsessed, no doubt. But up till this point where I’m ready to lose my grip. It struck me that it wasn’t my choice to drop it or not, because it wouldn’t go away.

I need solutions. I need good solutions. I don’t want to go insane and do something crazy, or do something that damages those who loves me.