I hate myself, I feel that it is never enough, I'm fed up, I'm vexed.

I tried cause I was so sick of it, I hate it that I'm a coward, where's the spunk?

And it didn't work, ignoring it and pretending that your charm doesn't work my way is worse than exposing myself.

I feel myself sinking in, caught up in a whirling vortex of emotion.

And between lulls, I still think of you. I'll admit. And when that certain song plays, it evokes memories of you. You don't haunt me, I dream of dreaming about you.

There was a dearth, there always was. I was never pretty enough, never smart enough, never deep enough, never sensitive enough. Being so imperfect, I always felt insufficient while standing beside you. I don't feel safe, You have so many people around you, I know I don't shine. You don't have to pretend I do.

Something happened today, I'm so pliable. But then I took it as a cue to spruce myself up. NO more enduring with this screwed up situation.

I'll work myself up, and then, I can stand beside you, stand as tall as you. Before you go, I'll tell you "I love you" or maybe by that time "I once loved you". And I'll say it with a very confident smile. I don't want to be the one laughed at for being so naive and incredibly stupid years later. I would want you to say "wow, an awesome girl like her actually likes me"

Don't judge, to me it's important, laud instead.

p/s: sashimi, let me be your backbone, don't eat ice cream yourself. Sharing is caring.